Dear Phillip DeFranco
After watching Wednesday, April 25th’s PSD and you’re story on thinspo, I must say, I am touched by your words.
I am a bigger girl, I’ve got a muffin top so bad, I constantly poke fun a myself for having half a tube tire attached to my hips and a small ass on top of my ass, and it sucks so much trying to find clothes that fit you’re hips without showing the fact you’ve got an extra 10 lbs (easily) of fat on top of them. I’ve got thighs that touch together and it sucks a lot when they start to rub together and then get raw, and than you can’t even walk right because it hurts. I’ve got the best boyfriend ever who still manages to somehow find the “beautiful” in me - which 99.9% of the time I just don’t see in myself. I’ve tried countless times to loose the weight, and every time, it’s an hardcore epic fail. I don’t mind having some pudge, I really don’t, but when it’s to the point where I can’t even look nice in clothes, feel so uncomfortable in my own skin that every time I look in the mirror I want to just chop off every piece of fat on me, it’s my own nightmare everyday.
When you said:
“So super-mega-ultimate point, even if we haven’t met in person, you haven’t commented and this is mostly a one-way experience, let me say to you that at least one person loves yo face, and I, love yo face. I get that life is mostly stupid and it’s easy to hate yourself, but don’t. The fact that you are even here - on this planet, alive - is a mathematical miracle and you should not spend the time being busy being miserable.”
It’s easy to say “But don’t” [and I’m not trying to say that what you’re saying is stupid or condescending (which I don’t get if it would be) but] I’m saying that it’s hard and you’re right - it is easy to hate yourself. It’s also easy just to say “Fuck it!” and harm yourself - like thinspo - to fit yourself into the media “norm” to be considered “beautiful”. I could not tell you how many times I try not to think of my body image and how I want to have a Mystique mutation - or create a real life human photoshop so I can permanently not have “love handles”, that would be amazing. I could not tell you how hard it was to be bullied by kids at school and even some family members in the mix that told you that you’re fat, ugly, loner, rumors flying like wildfire and all you want to do is just make it go away. How do you make it go away? Internet. How does internet help? People can accept you for what you really are, without showing your face. How can it hinder? By looking up things like thinspo and than becoming bulimic or anorexic. We’re all really looking for a way out and depending on the person, scenario, and emotional state, we can all find different things that appeal to us.
I honestly hate my body, hate the way it looks, feels, doesn’t fit right, and just doesn’t look at all like what it could potentially be. I want to be motivated, I want to be thinner than I am now, but I still want curve to myself. I want people to see my for my personality, potential humor, wits and interests first, than to look at me and assume that I should go in the friend-zone ASAP. (And trust me, it’s a miracle that I have a boyfriend now and he didn’t put me in the friend-zone).
My main point Mr. DeFranco, if you do end up reading this, and if this some how makes sense to you (because it’s not exactly the most fluent letter and English is my first language) I wanted to Thank you. I want to thank you for feeling like you were talking directly to me even though you may not know my name, where I’m from in both location and background, know my problems and ambitions. I want to thank you for making me feel more accepted in my own skin when I can’t stand to be in this cage any longer. I want to thank you for adding just a bit more self confidence in a glass that’s only 1/16th full.
So,
Thank you, Phil.
Just know, it means more to me than you may have guessed if you read this letter.
P.S
There’s nothing wrong with a guys who’s a little on the chunckier side, I always thought you were cute. I love yo face and I’ll see you when you post another PSD. :)
